But I showed up 23 times, and that’s fine. I didn’t show up the way I should have or could have. I played through postpartum depression. But I didn’t get there. I went from a C-section to a second pulmonary embolism to a grand slam final. I had my chances after coming back from giving birth. The way I see it, I should have had 30-plus grand slams. Maybe I thought about it too much, and that didn’t help. If I’m in a grand slam final, then yes, I am thinking about that record. But day to day, I’m really not thinking about her. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want that record. There are people who say I’m not the GOAT because I didn’t pass Margaret Court’s record of 24 grand slam titles, which she achieved before the “open era” that began in 1968. Then it was climbing over the Chris Evert–Martina Navratilova mountain. And then I tied Billie Jean King, who is such an inspiration for me because of how she has pioneered gender equality in all sports. I remember when I passed Martina Hingis’s grand slam count. I started playing tennis with the goal of winning the U.S. When someone said I was just the little sister, that’s when I got really fired up. But if I hadn’t been in Venus’s shadow, I would never be who I am.
I loved Monica Seles, and then I studied Monica Seles. It was as if I were playing her matches, too. That’s how I started to move so fast up the rankings, because I learned the lessons from Venus’s losses instead of the hard way, from my own. When she lost, I understood why, and I made sure I wouldn’t lose the same way. I followed her around the world and watched her. I’d travel to tournaments with Venus as her hitting partner, and if there was an open slot, I’d play. It made me work harder, turning me into a savage fighter. I was so sad when I didn’t get all the early opportunities that Venus got, but that helped me. If you watched King Richard, then you know that when I was little, I was not very good at tennis. Photographed by Annie Leibovitz in Vogue, April 2003. Night matches in Arthur Ashe Stadium at Flushing Meadows. Some of the happiest times in my life were spent waiting in that hallway in Melbourne, and walking out into Rod Laver Arena with my earphones in and trying to stay focused and drown out the noise but still feeling the energy of the crowd. I’m not sure every player sees it that way, but I love the performance aspect of it-to be able to entertain people week after week. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to look at this magazine when it comes out, knowing that this is it, the end of a story that started in Compton, California, with a little Black girl who just wanted to play tennis. I’m torn: I don’t want it to be over, but at the same time I’m ready for what’s next. I keep saying to myself, I wish it could be easy for me, but it’s not. I hate that I have to be at this crossroads. It’s the hardest thing that I could ever imagine. I know it’s not the usual thing to say, but I feel a great deal of pain.
There is no happiness in this topic for me. Praise to these people, but I’m going to be honest. Photographed by Annie Leibovitz with sister Venus Williams in Vogue, May 1998.
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